If you found this, it’s probably too late.

"PEOPLE THINK THEY KNOW YOU. THEY THINK THEY KNOW HOW YOU’RE HANDLING A SITUATION. BUT THE TRUTH IS NO ONE KNOWS. NO ONE KNOWS WHAT HAPPENS AFTER YOU LEAVE THEM, WHEN YOU’RE LYING IN BED OR SITTING OVER YOUR BREAKFAST ALONE AND ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS CRY OR SCREAM. THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON INSIDE YOUR HEAD — THE MIND-NUMBING COCKTAIL OF ANGER AND SADNESS AND GUILT. THIS ISN’T THEIR FAULT. THEY JUST DON’T KNOW. AND SO THEY PRETEND AND THEY SAY YOU’RE DOING GREAT WHEN YOU’RE REALLY NOT. AND THIS MAKES EVERYONE FEEL BETTER. EVERYBODY BUT YOU."

I've kept this for a long long time.
 
Her name is Desiree.
 
Or Marion.
 
Your choice.

I'm as lonely as I can be.

The days which in you can be no one else but yourself are the most enjoyable. The ache paints your room with the colors of her eyes, but is getting silent.

(being amazed with a grateness of nothigness)
 

this is, by far, the ugliest thing I've done in a long time.

I can't say I'm back because I've never been here, really.

I won't say a word.
 
Let's see... I'll try to repeat it to myself as long as I can, just so it doesn't sound like a lie anymore.
 

I don't know what to say. To anyone. I wish someone would...
 
forget it

I can count how many times I really felt alive with my fingers. (Of one hand).